There is something about letting go and moving on that fascinates me. It's so damn hard. Especially if you are holding on to every bit of memory and treasuring them as the happiest, most loving, most valuable moments of your life. But you know you need to cleanse yourself from them. You know you're cherishing a poison that's making you sad, lonely, weak and desperate. That you're wasting your life away on it. That you need to let it go. It takes a very strong heart to mend itself. It takes a very strong heart to let go of a heart you love. At the end of the day, you are forced to make a choice; you either keep loving him, longing for him, and wishing he would (re)love you, or you tell yourself, "don't worry, even if no one else loves you, i will".  To me, that's the first step to move on.

Unfortunately, I'm not exactly there yet.

If moving on is survival instinct kicking in, mine is kicking in a little too slowly.  I'm walking with baby steps, and I follow a circular path. I guess that's ok. I will do things at my own pace and call it a day. I guess I need to stop being so hard on myself for not moving on as fast as I'd like to. 

It's just so damn hard. Damn! How did we ever get here? Weren't we happy? Was it not real? 

Bad questions. Bad questions. Ok. Breath in. Breath out. Repeat.